Overcoming Disappointment

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

We go into dangerous situations allowing us to defend or save a life, but it comes at a price. As First Responders, we react to society’s worst day. Our commitment to this goal exposes us to loss, violence, tragedy, and disappointment. We get disappointed with leadership, extended hours, scheduling, low pay, and the system. Our profession’s reality will expose itself to significant personal and professional obstacles. Adversity is often too severe, trauma is too overpowering, and help is difficult to get.

Being the only living thing on earth whose lives are built around hopes and expectations, when something falls short of our goals and desires, we experience disappointment. Even if the setback is little, disappointment is an unavoidable part of life. Defined by feelings of sadness, loss, anger, and frustration, it’s not always easy to deal with. Merriam Websters Dictionary defines disappointment as:

The act or an instance of disappointing (failing to meet expectations):
the state or emotion of being disappointed (defeated in expectation or hope)

Disappointment is a mix of loss, grief, and sadness. Disappointment is painful; it smashes your hopes and throws you into temporary dissatisfaction and unrest. You may be disappointed if you lose something you own, but you may equally be disappointed if you lose something you never had. These feelings of loss remind people of the discrepancy between what they want and what they have. When you lose something not in your grasp, it may be challenging to comprehend how deep and severe the pain is. It may be even more challenging to articulate how upsetting it is for others.

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”― Eliza Tabor

Being disappointed causes both physical and emotional pain. No matter how much we endure the suffering, nothing seems to change. Some feel that everything is moving too rapidly, while others feel heavy, exhausted, and numb. Disappointment hurts because, like depression, our brains interpret these experiences as situations that endanger our wellness. Serotonin and dopamine, two neurotransmitters, are decreased by pain. Compared to actual wounds, our brain perceives sadness, depression, and disappointment as equally painful. It simply dismisses it without even making an effort to deal with it. Sadly, in the aftermath of disappointment, hopelessness, and pessimism grows.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Not being the same as depression, disappointment and depression often appear to be very similar. In contrast to disappointments, the loss experienced in conjunction with depression usually entails a loss causing an active shift in your life, such as a missing partner or loved one or a sad event that you find difficult to process. Although a feeling of sadness is used to define depression, other emotions can occasionally be mistaken for depression. When depression strikes, people often shut down and adopt a cynical mindset, compared to those who suffer disappointment and are more likely to strive to solve issues or come up with other ways to achieve their goals.

It’s typical to battle with and feel overwhelming disappointment. You can, however, handle your feelings while maintaining a positive perspective.

You need to reevaluate and adjust your expectations

Being reasonable with your expectations could help in overcoming disappointment. It’s crucial to handle the disappointment constructively rather than entirely denying it.

Allow yourself time to reflect

You’ll be able to manage your feelings and comprehend what happened better if you know what led to the disappointment.

Accept reality

It is easy to try to blame others or circumstances for your disappointment, but this seldom helps us move forward. It is essential to stop and think about how you got here.

Learn from the Experience

Never give up; everyone encounters hardships. Use disappointment as something you can learn from.

Choose Hope

Disappointment is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to stop you from hoping, dreaming, or setting goals. Excitement and eagerness for the future constitute hope. As you face the possibility of disappointment, failure, or loss, you may feel vulnerable. Disappointment shouldn’t prevent us from choosing to hope. Don’t let disappointment stop you from enjoying life’s beauty.

To have hope is to rejoice in the promises of God. To have hope is to believe God is good even when we do not see an answer. To have hope is to see the light even in darkness. To have real hope, we must hope in the Lord and His goodness! As we turn from our despair and begin to have hope, God is powerful and loving enough to lift our burdens and mend our broken hearts. If we trust and have hope in God, we will never be let down.^[1]

As First Responders, we swore to protect good and fight evil. Many have lost track of their priorities and have put the job first in their lives. If you are experiencing a lower than usual sense of self-worth, depression or misplaced guilt, inability to remember or talk about the trauma specifically, feeling numb emotionally, dissociation (not aware of the present moment), or a feeling of disconnection from your everyday lives, feeling hyper-aroused and vigilant for danger all the time, lashing out in irritability or unexplained anger, feeling jittery, or unable to concentrate on tasks at hand or other anxiety disorders, such as panic or intense distress, talk to someone and get help. Get back to the basics. Put God First, Family Second, and the job further down in the order.